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Turkey Plucker?"
Sam's eyes opened a little wider in pleased surprise. "How did you
know that?"
"I like to do my research," Peez replied. "I feel it's a courtesy to the
client to know everything you can about him or her."
"Commendable. May I take your bag, Ms. Godz?"
"What bag?" Peez looked to left and right, puzzled. She'd left her
carryon safely locked away in the rental car.
"The one with your chief research assistant packed inside," Sam said.
"The bear?"
"How do you know about Teddy Tumtum?" Peez blurted.
The Native American laughed. "You're not the only one who does
research. If we both make it a point to know as much about the other
as possible, we can call it courtesy instead of espionage. And yes, I
would prefer if you called me by Turkey Plucker, though if you really
want to know what I'd like the most, just call me Sam."
"Only if you call me Peez." The pair of them exchanged smiles that
were not in Dov's extensive repertoire.
Soon thereafter they were riding along the highway in Sam's truck.
Teddy Tumtum, retrieved from the carry-on bag in the rental
car trunk, was pressed against the windshield singing Ninety-nine
Bottles of Beer at the top of his stockinette lungs.
"You were the one who insisted on bringing him," Peez said to Sam.
"Happy about it now?"
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"I can take it," Sam replied, his jaw set in grim determination. "I keep
telling myself that after everything else my people have endured at the
hands of the White Man, an obnoxious stuffed bear is no biggie."
"Is it working?"
"No. Right now I'm ranking him somewhere between broken treaties
and smallpox-infected blankets."
"Hey, I resent that!" Teddy Tumtum interrupted his droning song to
voice his objection, then groused: "Damn. Now I lost my place. I'll
have to start all over from the beginning. Ninety-nine bottles of beer
on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of- YEEE!"
Sam stopped the truck. "You really shouldn't have thrown him out the
window, Peez."
"I know." Peez's head drooped in contrition. "But it just felt so good!"
It took her the better part of an hour to find the little bear again. After
spending that much time out in the midday sun, the initial thrill of
pitching him out the window was well and truly gone.
"There you are!" Peez panted when she finally laid hands on him once
more. The little bear had been sprawled in the shade of a cactus plant.
"Why didn't you say something to let me know where to find you? I
tried invoking your homing hex, but it didn't work,
for some reason." She gave him a suspicious look. "Did you disable it,
Teddy Tumtum?"
"Oh, I'm sorry." Teddy Tumtum made an art of sarcastic payback. "I
was under the impression that you didn't want to hear from me ever
again. My goodness gracious me, wherever might I have gotten that
idea? Oooh, could it have been something as trivial as being flung out
the window of a speeding truck?!"
"Oh, calm down. You're stuffed. You bounce. The fall didn't hurt you."
"Maybe not my body." Teddy Tumtum sniveled and wiped invisible
tears from his eyes. " 'Ooo went and bwoke my ickle heart. Bitch."
Peez laughed. "That's my Teddy Tumtum!" She gave him a hug and
climbed back into Sam's truck.
"Found him?" Sam asked casually. "Way to go." He started up the
truck again and drove on. Throughout the whole search-and-rescue
operation, he had remained comfortably ensconced in the air-
conditioned cab, letting Peez do all the work of finding the bear. Now
it was time for a reckoning.
"Yes, I found him," Peez said angrily. "Not thanks to you, might I
add."
"None expected. I wasn't the one who threw him out the window."
"Maybe not, but you've got to admit, you shared the benefit of it."
Sam shrugged. "I get a lot of that response from you city folk. First
you do something I didn't ask for, maybe even something I never
wanted, then you tell me I benefited from it so it's my duty
to share the cost. But do you ever ask me if I think the results help me
live my life more comfortably, or did they just help you advance your
idea of how you think I'm supposed to be living?"
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"Wow," said Teddy Tumtum. "That's an awful lot of resentment you're
harboring just over tossing a teddy bear out of a truck."
"Friend, I've got resentment I've hardly used," Sam said. "The good
news is, I don't think I'll ever bother using it. I've got better things to
do."
"Like fleecing the woo-woos and wannabes of their wampum," the
bear said. "We read the reports on your operation before we came
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